Tense and anxious

The economy is in free fall, Congress seems to be in pre-recess tumult, and on Wednesday, my dad gets some much-anticipated, potentially scary test results. The last few days have not been easy, and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, like I need to be very careful every time I open my mouth so I don't offend somebody, because everybody seems to be tense and anxious these days.

Maybe I should just unplug from the Internet and the radio for a few days. So if you don't hear from me, please be patient. I might be busy having a small breakdown. Or maybe I'll just go on a bender. Anybody want to join me?

In Solidarity

In solidarity with the Torgugas on race day, I trained hard this weekend. I had hoped to be able to race the triathlon in Santa Cruz today, but those plans didn't work out. I'll be there next year, but in the interim I did a full circuit and ran two miles on the elliptical on Friday, walked about 4.5 miles at race pace yesterday (this will probably my last timed walk before the Bridge to Bridge race next Sunday), and took a leisurely stroll in my neighborhood this morning before some serious stretching.

I'm starting to taper in advance of next Sunday, and I'm exhausted today, so I'm passing on my swim, but tomorrow I'll make up today's weight training session. Next Sunday should be tons of fun. In addition to the race and expo, the post-race concert features one of my favorite bands, the Hooks.

The official announcement of the FINAL Hike For Discovery season

I've heard murmurings for weeks, but on Wednesday I got the official email: Hike For Discovery will be officially folded into Team In Training in January, and our coach is leading one final hike season before the transition. The season will start in November and end in mid-January, and will feature lots of new trails and probably lots of hiking in the mud - one of my favorite pastimes!


I REALLY, REALLY want to participate, but I absolutely cannot fundraise from friends and family a second time this year. The minimum fundraising goal is $1,500. This is an organization and mission I support wholeheartedly. My spring hiking team was an incredible source of inspiration and support during a rough time, and the whole experience was transformative. I bowed out of the summer season because of my grandmother's ill health. My team was so wonderful in the weeks after her death, and I really couldn't have gotten through that rough first month without them.


Now that my dad's health is uncertain, I feel the need to continue hiking for him, but also to maintain my own sanity over the next few months. I need serious physical exertion, and I also need the support from a group who understands the impacts of cancer on the life of the patient and his/her family. My spring team made me feel so much less alone as I navigated my dad's cancer battle so far from home. I know the next year will be very difficult, and I would really like to have that source of support in my life as my family travels down my dad's uncertain health path.

I'm hoping there's a way I can participate without having to raise money. I want more than anything to be able to just write a check and happily hike my way through the winter. I am sad that I don't have the resources to do that. I am determined to make this work. I also wonder if I'm being selfish. Should I step aside, knowing I cannot fundraise, and let others who can take my spot. Is it wrong to want to participate in this particular event knowing I'm doing it for my own well being, when the whole point is to raise money in support of cancer research and patient services? And if my dad's cancer battle enters its last stages, would I be able to finish what I started?

If I participate in this season, I have a much better chance of being selected as a mentor to a future team, which is something I had hoped to do this summer, but my grandmother's illness made impossible. If I don't participate, my ability to volunteer with the team in the future greatly decreases.

Maybe I'm making this a bigger decision than it really is. Maybe some outside, impartial input would be helpful. Maybe it's just easier to slightly obsess over this small thing, rather than to think about my dad, the tests he's taken this week, and the high probability that his prostate cancer has spread.

Reevaluating the 14:30 mile

Having made the commitment to train with a friend for next year's Napa to Sonoma half marathon, I was more than a little scared when she mentioned that we'd have to walk a 14:30 mile in order to compete. My current 5K splits are about 15-minute miles on flat ground, and I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. I've been thinking about this for the past few weeks, looking for training plans and marathon-walking resources that could help me chop 30 second to a minute off of my time between now and next spring. I'd become a slight bit obsessed.

And then I went to New York, and entered Manhattan for the first time in years. And, as I zipped along the sidewalks of the Big Apple, knocking people over and shoving them out of the way because they weren't moving fast enough, while working up quite a sweat, I realized something: living in San Francisco may have slowed me down a little, but getting back into the very fast walking routine should be easy. 14:30 is totally attainable. Now please excuse me before I have to knock you over.

Bears! I FINALLY saw Bears!

I took my fourth trip to Yosemite last weekend. For the past four years, I've been a little obsessed with the idea of seeing bears. I've hoped they would run through my campsite so that I could photograph them, at a safe distance, of course.

Last year, at about 6:15 am, they did. And nobody woke me up. This year, armed with my new camera with a fantastic zoom, and with drought and fires having ravaged some of their food sources, I thought I had a good shot at seeing a California Black Bear.

On Sunday morning, the racket from an adjoining campsite woke up most of my group. The other campers were trying to get the bears, a mama and a cub, to leave their food alone. By banging pans and yelling and screaming, they drove the little family away from their site and straight into mine.

Pajama-clad and shoeless, my tentmates and I jumped from our bunks, grabbed our cameras, and rushed outside.

Here are the bears running through our campsite. They moved so fast I couldn't get a clear photo.

Here they are frolicking in the Merced River.



Having had enough fun, and presumably having scored enough food for the day, they ran across the river and away from camp.

My vacation in NY and Yosemite was tremendous, but this brief bear interlude may have been the best part.

As I was just saying the other day....

I was just talking with my parents and Steph the other day (could it have just been last night? Our vacation in NY has been a fabulous whirlwind) about our former friend Brian, the one who returned to Texas and his fiancee while kind of jilting us like cheap dates after prom night.

We were so very sad to see him go, and a little ticked off that he left without recruiting new guy friends for us, because they're awfully hard to find in San Francisco. We tried to be understanding about wanting to be closer to his fabulous fiancee and his family.

And now I guess I have to stop talking smack about him because he's returning to San Francisco. I'm so excited!!

Can somebody please explain about the socks?

I did lots of laundry this evening. Four loads, to be precise. In fact, I've washed all of my clothes, except for what I'm currently wearing. But despite washing all the laundry, I still have more than a dozen unmatched socks. Can somebody please explain to me how this happens? Does this happen to you too?

I sort and ball the socks when I fold the laundry, and put the singles in a little bag, figuring that, usually, one sock has wound up in the not-yet-done laundry bag. But all the laundry bags are empty. All the clothes are clean. And yet I have a FULL BAG of single socks. Is the washing machine eating them? Is somebody stealing them out of the washer? Does my building have a resident with a single gym sock fetish? What is he using them for? Do I really want to know?

The missing socks are not shoved into the back of my sock drawer. They're not in my gym bag, or under my desk at work (where I sometimes leave my shoes), and they don't seem to be hiding in the back of the closet. They're not under the bed or beneath the couch cushions or hanging with the wet laundry. They're not stuck behind the bathroom door. They're not shoved into my sneakers.

Maybe it's time to hire a private investigator.

Grab that guidebook and get going

I'm headed to Yosemite in two weeks, and the guidebook I bought, the one that appeared to have lots of great trail writeups and some history of the park? The first chapter was terrific, but other than that it's really rather vague and not at all what I'd hoped for. So I'm hunting for another one. Anybody have any suggestions? We'll be camping on the Valley floor, so a book with lots of trailheads accessible by the Yosemite shuttle would be helpful. And while Half Dome is a fantastic hike, I'm not up for that this year. I'd like some other options that don't involve paved roads.

Thanks, Internet!

Early morning musings

For reasons that escape me, I woke up around 5 am and never really got back to sleep. In those two hours before my alarm went off, many deep thoughts floated through my head. Here's a sample:

I think we need to bring more water on my Yosemite camping trip at the end of the month. I know we didn't use a lot of it last year, but it was cold and raining/snowing. This year will probably be hot and dry, and we don't want anybody to dehydrate.

Am I making as mistake in trying to have a vacation while I'm in NY this week? It's never really worked before. And will my mom make us have a curfew? And will my brother ever be home to play with me?

If I'm going to do a big hike in Yosemite, I need to bring my big daypack. If I bring the big daypack, how am I also going to carry my duffel bag and sleeping bag. And should I bring some extra clothes just in case it rains, and some people are again unprepared for bad weather?

Why is my upstairs neighbor making so much noise at 5:30 am? Why does she seem to never sleep?

Will the sun come out today? I'm getting really irritated by summer fog.

Did I pack all the baseball and theater tickets in my suitcase? Do I want to repack them into my carry on bag?

The buses have started their early morning runs. I really wish I could fall back to sleep before my alarm goes off.

Can I get a time check?

In February, I bought a new watch. The watch had a pedometer, calorie counter, distance calculator, and lots of other fun functions I was really excited to use. And I did use them, every day. I logged my steps, used the calorie counter to get an idea of how much more I needed to eat on long hike days, used the mileage calculator to figure out how long my training walks were, and used the chronograph to time my swim sessions. The watch was waterproof and shock resistant, and I looked forward to using it for years.


I wore this watch almost every day for months, and it's pictured above on the morning of my Grand Canyon hike, marking the ridiculously early hour we hit the trail.

And then one day, after a long swimming session, I noticed that the watch had fogged over. The waterproof seal seemed not to work quite as well as it was supposed to. The watch dried out and things seemed OK, until the morning that I leaned my left arm into the shower to check the water temperature BEFORE I took off my watch. And then this happened:

And now, weeks later, with only half the display visible, I can't use the watch. I'm hoping that I can exchange it from Amazon.com for either the same watch or the upgraded model. In the interim, does anybody know what time it is?

Dying to ask

My trip to the dentist on Friday was peculiar. The dentist is great, and his staff is wonderful - kind, professional, and pleasant. I can honestly say that I like going to the dentist (antibiotic-fueled incidents aside).

On Friday, a new hygienist cleaned my teeth. I was a little disappointed not to see the regular hygienist, the one who graduated from the university I work at and who knows some of my colleagues.

She introduced herself, asked some questions about my medical history, and got started. She talked incessantly, asking if I'd seen movies she recently enjoyed, telling me about TV shows she watches, and then making comments about the political conventions.

"I'm dying to ask who you're voting for," she said. I had my mouth open and she was peering inside, so a response wasn't possible. She giggled, said I didn't have to answer, and moved on. Only to return to the topic and ask again about five minutes later. I still didn't answer.

First, I was a little appalled by the way she phrased that question. Having had more than my share of experiences with death this year, I could say with certainty that she wasn't going to die if she didn't ask. And I wasn't at all worried about her health when I didn't answer.

I appreciate that I live in a city where everyone wears their political affiliation like a badge of honor on their chests, and that's beautiful. We're so lucky we can live someplace where political activism is encouraged. But it's not really my style to have potentially inflammatory conversations with people I don't know. And I really don't think it's appropriate or professional to ask those questions of strangers, or customers, or patients.

So I didn't answer her. And people can keep asking, but I probably won't answer unless I know you well enough to know that we can have a reasoned, logical conversation, no matter what your beliefs. I've met so many people in my time here who judge others based solely on their political leanings. I think there's much more to a person, much more to help me determine whether or not I will like somebody, than who they choose to vote - or not vote for - on election day.

"I am sometimes confounded by your lack of common sense," said my sister

Because I have a heart murmur, I have to take a high dose of antibiotics whenever I get my teeth cleaned. Because my stomach can't handle high doses of antibiotics, I split the dose over the course of the day. I started doing this after college, as the result of a vicious reaction to an antibiotic that left me miserably ill and forced my sister to abort our shopping trip and drive me home. She's still mad at me about that, but she should really just be thankful that I willed myself not to puke in the car during the 45-minute ride home from the mall.

Yesterday, I had a dentist appointment. I took my first two pills in the hours before the appointment, and the second two pills in the hours afterward. I took my last pill around 4 pm.

Last night, I went to a friend's birthday party. I didn't even think about the antibiotics when I had two glasses of wine. And then I started to feel very, very ill. I made a hasty exit, was miraculously able to catch the bus as soon as I reached the bus stop, and willed myself not to get sick until I got home. I'm so thankful I made it to my apartment. And I'm so sad that I ruined my day today, because it's 5 pm and I can only now consider the possibility of a meal. I had to cancel a haircut appointment and postpone plans with a friend. I've spent the better part of my day in bed (or sitting on the recently-mopped bathroom floor). Every muscle in my body hurts, and I'm feeling pretty foolish.

But I'm hoping that my stupidity might perform a public service. I can now honestly say that it's a really bad idea to drink when you're on antibiotics. A REALLY, REALLY BAD IDEA. Please, learn from my mistake. I think I'll be going on the wagon for a while now. Lemonade, anyone?

And I didn't even feel it

Apparently we had a little earthquake last night. I was either on the bus or walking through the Inner Sunset when it happened, and I didn't feel it at all. But the friends I was walking to visit, who live in a second-floor apartment, all saw their lights sway. But that might have just been because of the intensity of their Wii boxing.

When the big one comes, it's doubtful I'll have phone service, but you can check in with my parents or my sister. They'll know that I've made it safely out of the rubble long before I'll be able to write about it.

And a good dose of sunshine for inspiration

The sun sets at around 8:30 pm all summer long, and well into the fall. Usually, by late afternoon, the fog has blown in and my after work workout hours are grey and cold. But not this week: this week has brought sunshine, temps in the 80s, and weather so good I feel like I should call in sick and be a beach bum.

Reason and good judgement have mostly prevailed, but I did take a nice evening stroll with an out-of-town friend on Wednesday. After splitting a pitcher of beer and a pizza, we needed the walk. We strolled along the Marina, past the bridge, and home through the Presidio. I'd wondered how far we walked. I assumed at least three miles, but I didn't know exactly how to calculate our route distance.

And then a friend passed on Favorite Run. The site will calculate your mileage based on how you've run (or in my case, walked) your route. Just choose a starting location, click on the map to show where you've walked, and you'll get a customized mileage calculation. There's no membership fee for basic services, but if you want to calculate elevation gain or add other neat options, it'll cost you at least $11 per year. I'm pretty happy with the basic site. It told us we walked about four miles. Not enough to work off all the pizza, but it was a good start.

(Perhaps I should be) Committed....

I've just committed to walking the Napa to Sonoma half marathon with a friend next July, and then the Nike Women's half marathon in October (provided our lottery numbers are chosen, as the registration far exceeds the maximum number of spaces). We considered the Santa Barbara half in May, but the timing's not the best for either of us. I'm so excited! The carrot at the end of the stick for the Nike is the Tiffany charm awarded to all finishers. And the swag. I like race freebies!

Time to rework my training plan and buy a few new pairs of sneakers. I'm going to be logging a lot of miles this winter. Anybody want to go for a walk?

Seriously miraculous that I made it to adulthood in one piece

This exchange proves that my family really is bizarre. Funny, but bizarre.