Perhaps I don't have a future as a smuggler

It's no secret that I'm a big fan of a good beer. But moving west required giving up one of my favorites. A college friend grew up near the brewery, and turned us onto it sometime during our first year. Many of our nights out were lubricated by Yuengling. Tragically, it's not distributed west of Ohio.

I have a few friends who've also spent time on the East Coast, who are equally sad about Yuengling's small distribution region. In order to compensate for that, an East Coast friend traveled to San Francisco last year and brought us a six pack, neatly tucked in her suitcase between some sweatshirts and socks. But six beers didn't last very long.

A few months ago, I learned that a pizza place in North Beach served Yuengling by the bottle. Not believing this rumor, I checked the menu on their website. Those bottles sell for $8. Each. In places where this is plentiful, it's not an expensive beer. But $8 seemed like a good investment to me, and to a friend with some East Coast ties. We made a date for dinner.  We were very excited.

And when we placed our order, the waitress informed us they had no Yuengling in stock. She wasn't sure when they might be serving it again, and the more questions we asked, the more vague her answers became. We figured they stocked their beer the same way my friend did - by using a runner - somebody who traveled east and returned with a six pack (or maybe a suitcase full) of Yuengling tucked between sweatshirts and hopefully-clean socks.

We were pretty crushed, but I tried to rally our spirits. I'd be traveling to Washington, DC, where Yuengling is in vast supply.

I would just bring home a few beers, wrapped in bubble wrap and plastic bags, and safely secured under my most bulky clothes.

This was a great idea. But it's execution failed miserably. There wasn't enough room in my suitcase, and I was a little concerned about ruining all my clothes if a bottle exploded in mid-air. So I left DC empty handed. And then the TSA searched my luggage. I'm guessing even if I'd made it to the airport with a few six packs in tow, they wouldn't have made it on the plane.