I've spent the past seven months wandering somewhat aimlessly about my life. No goals, no big commitments, nothing to really develop a routine or set priorities around. And while that's not at all what I'd hoped for this year, it's worked. It's allowed me to be functional amid a shitstorm of rough stuff. It's allowed me to survive. And everyday that I'm not curled up in the fetal position hiding under my bed, keening, is a great day. Hurrah!
However, I'm getting a little bored with just existing. I'd been working on setting some goals and planning for the rest of 2011 when my mom died, and then everything screeched to a halt. I'd made considerable progress in the first few months of the year on some things that were pretty important to me. And then survival mode took over. Now that I'm very slightly less overwhelmed, I've been considering what I wanted to do earlier this year, and thinking of some things I might be able to tackle in 2012 - provided next year doesn't become a train wreck too.
I'm possibly in the position to buy a new bicycle. And since my much-loved, closing in on twenty-five-year old road bike lacks the gears necessary to get up the city's hills if I leave my neighborhood, I'm seriously considering a purchase in the next few months. Possibly in time to learn how to climb hills - without dismounting first - and register for the 50-mile ride of this lovely little bike tour.
If I do that, then I'd be in great shape for a Livestrong ride when it comes to Davis later in the year. I've wanted to do a Livestrong event since I completed my Grand Canyon hike with Team in Training in 2008. And I feel like it's time to raise some more money for cancer research. I can't think of anything better than to fund raise in memory of my dad at the end of what would have been his 75th year.
I'm also possibly in line to receive a free entry to an early-season half marathon. On my own, I'd probably register this week for the accompanying 5K, since it's a popular local race almost in my neighborhood. But if somebody else is kind enough to foot the bill, I feel honor bound to go all out. I haven't walked more than four miles since August, and I won't know if I've gotten the entry until Dec. 18. So I have some time to consider the wisdom of a really short training cycle that will most likely involve lots of time in the rain.
And I need to start thinking about making my career change thoughts a reality. I'm in a temporary job for at least a few more months, and a lot of the work I'm doing is in line with path I'd like to take. As for opportunities in the Bay Area, I'm not too sure yet. But I'm working on that a little.
Next year's going to bring a lot of change, and a tremendous amount of emotional baggage that I'm a little scared of. But it's also kind of nice to dust off some goals. Planning is much better than just surviving.
2 hours ago